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That Faraway Look

That Faraway Look - Jenna Decker small
THAT FARAWAY LOOK (2019) 8″x10″ watercolor on paper

A glimpse into your mind.

Imaginary gardens growing, twisting, concealing.

Only you know what you’re looking at. Only you dream the dreams inside your brain.

Shifting visions of flowers, vines, and songs all tangled up in knots.

Colors and shapes blend and germinate…

When you’re staring off into space with that faraway look in your eyes.

In progress shots:

Tender

Tender - Jenna Decker (1)
TENDER, 5″x7″ cotton fiber & watercolor on paper

 

Details and view of stitching from the back

New embroidered watercolor painting. Subtle white thread on flowing blended blues.

Stitched pathways, tender trailing touches, cold air.

Meandering through quiet beauty, snow under starlight.

You can follow me, but I don’t know where I’m going.

Depth of Mountains

DEPTH OF MOUNTAINS

5″x7″ watercolor on paper 2019

Following shadows. Don’t look back, look inside. Old paths leading you astray. Was it just a dream? Mountain and music inspired.

Unformable Things

Works in progress…

“It’s all the unwordable things one wants to write about, just as it’s all the unformable things one wants to paint” -Emily Carr

Dysautonomia Awareness Month

Digitally manipulated paintings (from “Terra” watercolor painting 2015)

Click to read:

About Dysautonomia

About POTS

Neural Pathways & Home by Sunset

Neural Pathways - Jenna Decker

  “Neural Pathways” 5×7 inches watercolor on paper.

Inspired by neural pathways/neural plasticity/brain function. Sort of an abstract/colorful representation of neuroscience. (Nothing about this is actually scientific haha, just my own artistic interpretation)

Home by Sunset - Jenna Decker

Home by Sunset, 5″x7″ watercolor & ink on paper

The Music Became Honeyed

 5″x7″ watercolor on paper (left)                  18″x24″ watercolor on paper (right)

Digitally-manipulated version (below)

The Music Became Honeyed digital

Three versions of the same painting, “The Music Became Honeyed”.

Abstracted nature. Petals, leaves, branches, hills and mountains fragmented, re-imagined and arranged into a fluent composition.

I loved this composition so much, I did it in two sizes (both slightly different of course) and then manipulated it digitally to create a new kind of harmony within the painting. The result was a unique, entirely new symmetrical/mirrored/balanced piece.

Do not copy or reproduce any images without permission.

Leave a comment below or contact me here if you wish to purchase this piece.

And Could Fall No Further

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“The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no further”

Sylvia Plath

A Breathing Space & Linger

A Breathing Space - Jenna Decker
A BREATHING SPACE, 5″x7″ watercolor & ink on paper

(details)

Linger - Jenna Decker
LINGER, 5″x7″ watercolor on paper

(details)

Lyme Awareness Month

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A quick sketch of my chest port in honor of Lyme Disease Awareness month!

My Lyme diagnosis came almost 10 years after I was bit by multiple ticks while hiking.

What do I wish I knew then?

  • Many people do not get the bull’s-eye rash, and you can absolutely have Lyme without presenting a rash (contrary to what my Dr told me at the time.) I could’ve saved myself from years of pain and cognitive dysfunction if I had been treated immediately after my bites.
  • Routine blood tests for Lyme are not reliable and could prove deadly (link)
  • Also, be sure to research Lyme CO-INFECTIONS, these can be even more harmful than Lyme itself- I also have Babesia and Bartonella.
  • 80% of ticks in Europe carry Bartonella and if you happen to be in NY over 40% of ticks in the Hudson Valley are positive for Lyme AND Babesia (and these rates are increasing all the time).
  • Also, because this is a picture of a port, I’d like to warn anyone with a PICC line to be aware of the symptoms of blood clots. I had a picc for ONE week and developed DVTs (aka blood clots) almost immediately, but doctors thought my symptoms were from an allergic reaction. It wasn’t, and I almost died. Ports require major surgery with anesthesia but can safely last for years and there is way less risk of infection and clots. (I’ve had my port for almost 4 years now with absolutely no issues, one of the best medical decisions I ever made! It has also allowed me to treat my dysautonomia with a liter of saline everyday since no other medications helped!)
  • Lyme almost always appears alongside other chronic illnesses like dysautonomia/POTS. I believe this is because our immune systems are compromised and therefore we are more susceptible to infections like Lyme and co-infections.
  • Lyme is commonly misdiagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Dementia, Arthritis, or Fibromyalgia.
  • Bartonella (which greatly affects your brain) is commonly misdiagnosed as an emotional or mental disorder such as depression, anxiety, or even Bipolar Disorder and then you are often prescribed psychopharmaceuticals, which do not help since they can only mask the Bartonella symptoms for so long before it’s obvious they aren’t alleviating symptoms…and then of course you’re even worse off because the root cause has been ignored and once you’re labeled with a psychological condition it is nearly impossible to get doctors to believe you have a serious health issue and not be brushed aside and treated as if it’s “all in your head”!
  • Babesia is known as a “blood parasite”- it is almost impossible to eradicate because to do so, you’d have to kill yourself (literally- since it is in your blood cells). (link)
  • If you think you might have Lyme, you really have to be your own advocate, don’t let a misguided doctor brush you aside or misdiagnose you like I dealt with for a decade!
  • Interested in why Lyme or Chronic Lyme has become a “controversial” topic? This article (link) sums it up nicely

Feel free to comment  with any questions!

PS- It’s also Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) Awareness month (shout out to the zebras!)

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Another painting in progress with a little bit of lime green in honor of Lyme awareness (and it shows my hand which frequently experiences severe joint pain that sometimes prevents me from painting at all).

Found Dancing, Push the Sky Away

Found Dancing Push the Sky Away - Jenna Decker

“Found Dancing, Push the Sky Away”

Watercolor on paper  (5×8 inches on paper)

This is one of my favorite pieces that I’ve made this year! The composition just appeared naturally and effortlessly from a spontaneous under-painting. The flow of shapes and colors just makes me happy to sit and stare at.

 

(In progress photos– under-painting and peek of color swatch/notes during the painting process)

*This painting is available, contact me if you’re interested in purchasing!

 

A Chronically Ill Book

You're Still Sick Julie Jacobsen Deck small

I painted/designed the cover for this beautiful book full of empathy, fierce women, and a touch of magic realism…

Have you ever read a fiction book with a chronically ill main character? (Probably not, right?)  Any young woman with an invisible illness/disability will see herself in this book, and anyone else will gain some much-needed insight into the lives of women who are “still sick”.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been asked that question, too- “You’re still sick?” goes hand-in-hand with “but you don’t look sick!” and “get well soon!” after you’ve just said you have a c h r o n i c illness. Yup. Thank you [sarcasm].

Find more about it on the author’s website (which I also helped design!) or purchase her book on Amazon, etc!

 

Daily IV, Daily Art.

 

 

I went many years trying to hide my illness. I didn’t  want to appear like I was complaining or exaggerating (which I think is very common particularly for young sick women who are often dismissed as “faking” symptoms), and I didn’t want it to define me. I wanted people to remember me for my work, my art, not as “the sick girl”.

 

But I did myself a disservice by doing this. Illness is a part of me. It has shifted my priorities and dictated my time. I would spend however long my body allowed me to “act normal” and then I would go home and collapse. I would have to recover from doing normal things. I had to schedule my time so wisely.

 

No one knew in my college classes that being there that day meant I would not be able to cook dinner that night. That the energy I expended on learning and working those couple of hours would mean I’d spend the next day holed up in a dark bedroom waiting for a migraine or  some other unbearable pain to lessen. I had to plan my days around tasks like showering (if I did that before class I might faint while standing waiting for the bus, so I’d try to shower the night before, etc etc etc…. endless planning of things most people don’t even think about. #spoontheory)

 

Looking back, I wish I had shared more with my friends, family,  professors, etc. Perhaps if they were open to learning about chronic illness, I could’ve helped spread some empathy. They would’ve been a little more understanding of the next person they met. Perhaps they would consider that just because someone doesn’t LOOK sick, doesn’t mean they aren’t. They would know that despite what popular movies and books portray, illness does not end in only death or miracles. Sometimes you get sick and  just stay sick and that is your new reality.

 

I no longer want to hide my illness. Years of misdiagnosis meant years of extreme suffering. But I am finally beginning to heal and want to share all parts of myself and my art, not just the pretty end products!  There is so much more to come!!

Thanks for reading,

xJenna

Discordant, Place Undreamt, In Your Brain

Left: “Discordant” watercolor 5x7inches.

Dripping, flowing jewel-toned notes of music. Experimenting with new layering techniques. Loving this bright color palette of olive green, red violet/magenta, and deep golden yellow.

Top Right: “Place Undreamt” watercolor 8×10 inches.

Shapes in constant motion, forming abstract dreamy landscapes and blooming colors.

Bottom Right: “In Your Brain?” watercolor & ink 8×10 inches.

Inspired by turning music into art.

 

Orange River Constellations

“Orange River Constellations” A past work– acrylic and stitched fibers on canvas.
I really miss working with acrylic but unfortunately I only have access to watercolor and paper at the moment. I went through a traumatic time where I lost all of my belongings (ALL. Including my art supplies and my entire portfolio and any unsold works). Read more about it in this blog post. If you like my work and are feeling generous please consider making a donation or purchasing my work! Paintings will be available in my shop very soon, but you can also email me if you’re interested in a specific piece. (You can find my current work here, most of these pieces are still available)
I’m so looking forward to sharing more of my work again. Thank you for understanding the years of hiatus if you followed my last blog or knew me from Etsy (musical color studio). I’m finally climbing out of the “chronic-illness-abyss” and so grateful to be creating again!
xJenna

Works in Progress

Some details and before/afters of paintings I’m currently working on.

Quiet People, Loud Minds

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“Quiet people have the loudest minds” – Stephen Hawking

Only in Verse

Only in Verse - Jenna Decker
ONLY IN VERSE, 8″x10″ watercolor on paper

Details:

 

Shapes inspired by ocean plants. Muted, pastel colors composed in an organic puzzle of shapes joined and fit together.

xJenna

Turning Moments into Line

 

Spinning Awaysmall

Lyrics from “Spinning Away” by Brian Eno & John Cale:

“Up on a hill, as the day dissolves, with my pencil turning moments into line…I have no idea exactly what I’ve drawn. Some kind of change, some kind of spinning away, with every single line moving further out in time”